The things we keep

Going through the boxes in the attic I came across pile of old notes my first boy and I exchanged throughout our first couple years of high school. We stopped dating in 2002 when I graduated yet here they have remained with me for the last 10 years. They lived in a box at my parent’s house until sometime after I moved back to jersey, and have been living with me for the last 4 years, having 3 different homes total.

Going through things you saved from the past can be a bit like re-watching a tv show
you loved as a child. Not nearly as awesome as you remembered them to be. 

Since I broke up with this said former boyfriend, I have not read a single one of these letters. Prior to us breaking up I had not really read them either. Just collected them in a pile and then shoved them in a box and forgot about them.

Upon rediscovering them this week, I decided perhaps it was time to read them again and see what memories they contained, what secrets from the past they would reveal, what silly teenage times I could reminisce upon. That is why I saved these things right? To look back and remember my first love and the time we shared together?

Well I read them… and I cannot for the life of me figure out why the fuck I kept these things!

As I began reading them I discovered not stories about our time together and the fun things we did or even drama we might have had. What I found was almost every single note looked like every other single note. Which was a whole a lot of “I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER,” combined with whining about parents and school. The former being obviously not true and kind of obnoxious and that later being completely obnoxious. Instead of finding fond memories of a youthful time, I found uncomfortable feelings that remind me what it felt like to be an awkward, 15 year old.

Needless to say 99% of these are going to shredded. I was trying to read all of them to find a few choice ones that might be worth keeping but being there approximately 300 of them (I lost count somewhere in the 200’s) I think I am gonna just select a handful pretty much at random and shred the rest. If I don’t decide they are all worth shredding in the end.

I think this really was a very clear lesson in looking a little closer at the things we decide to keep “for old times sake.” You might not be quite what you expected.

Otherwise I have cleaned out two more boxes from the attic. I would take a picture but it doesn’t look like much of different right now because everything rather than being put away is still strewn across the floor. However I think next week I will be able to.

Until then clutter followers.